I hate being anonymous. It’s sort of like living a lie. A kind of dishonesty.
I don’t consider myself “in the scene” or “in a lifestyle” even though by all public definitions I seem to be both. For the longest time I have resisted any notion of using anything else but my real name. Anything else seemed wrong.
Don’t even ask me to take on one of the more lofty titles: Master MarkOfTheCane! Sir MarksAlot! I can’t really walk around in public and have people call me “Master” while I keep a straight face. When asked, I always gave people my name. I don’t have two personas. Just one. And this one enjoys a healthy dose of domination and submission with his sex partners. I’m not a superhero with a costume (actually there are few costumes hanging in the closet). But the need for keeping secret identities seems to be par for the course. Welcome to America.
Delilah calls me “Sir”. She has already given me her gift of submission, so with it comes the term of respect. That fits. That works. She likes saying it, and I like hearing it.
But unless you have decided to kneel in front me yourself, please.. just call me Mark. Mr. Swell if you must.
I don’t keep my life a secret, but I don’t advertise it either. My kids know that I “date”. But like most sane parents, I don’t advertise the details of my sex life to my kids. They REALLY don’t want to know. (I’ve had my older kid cover his ears and leave the room, when I started to talk about sex. And believe me, I wasn’t being overly explicit.) If they ask, I’ll tell them (they will eventually ask, I’m sure).
So my coworkers don’t know. Some know I have a “too young for me” girlfriend. But I’m clearly in a midlife crisis anyways (they are probably right about that assessment), so walking around with a chick half your age is par of the course.
Most of my friends don’t know. I told one friend/coworker. She seems to have taken it in stride. Although she’s been to the Folsom St. Fair also. So I trusted that she wouldn’t find me the freakiest guy she’s ever met.
But nobody talks about sex. Everybody HAS sex (well, at least most healthy adults do). But it doesn’t matter how “vanilla” or “alternative” your sex life is. Society says: “Go ahead and DO whatever you want, as long as it’s consensual and legal. But please god, don’t TALK ABOUT it!”
So how do you talk about sex? How do you talk about “socially unacceptable sex”? How do I do this without affecting my job, stressing out my kids, and generally been seen as a freak?
I’ll try this. Stick on a new name. Start a blog. I’ll even change the name tag when I go to Folsom St. or TesFEST or whatever other “scene” event. It’s been done before. It will be done again.
And now maybe I get to talk about whatever the fuck I want.
As for collaredcoed.com, I’ll still be making frequent appearances. But I consider that Delilah’s blog. It’s meant to be her voice, her space.
Although I expect we may be doing a lot of “cross-posting” between the sites.
But it’s the future. We ALL get our 15 million hits of fame. I don’t need to steal hers.
Mostly I’m just gonna blog whatever-the-fuck I want.
